Solace

I won’t lose you. So I said to myself. Its like you’ve shown me a thousand ways to feel. I love sad stories because it’s the only way I can feel. There are much meaning to comprehend, but choosing one would be an understatement. Because meanings trigger logic. I don’t. Words might move this world, it might even change it. But I want my sentences to say what I feel. I want my meanings to disregard what I know.

And that’s what you make me do. Colors in my mind, tunes in my heart, a lingering smile.

Even when the day I’d lose myself come, I cannot lose you. I want to write everything I know and shout it to you. A falling star and the smell of morning. A little light that shimmered from my window, or the scent of you arriving to my door.

I hope I write this right.

Against all my doubts, to question all my disbelief. My whole world’s waiting here for you.

Even though I can’t change the colors of your world, nor I can scratch off all of the hurt.
 
The moon is not with me. And the ocean leaves me be. All I have is me, who won’t let misery make you filled with doubt, make you fear the world.
I’ll replace them all with my melody of solace. I know nothing much that I can promise you now. But when this world does nothing more than raining you with fears, I’ll be with you.
 
For that given heart, I won’t return back to you. Just stay in here through all the light.
Maybe you finally consider my side a place for you to come home forever.
No other place can compare as close to mine.
I know nothing much that I can promise you now. Will you make your home with me beyond the shooting star?
 
Stay here by your side.
Until end of days.
I let go all my ambitions for all your warm embrace.
I need nothing more.
You’re the one I’m fighting for.

Even if I get the chance to live another life, I’ll search for you.

Because in every possible ending I try to write. For all the twists and turns, the past and future premises, the violent end or extravagant epilogue. Not a single one of them is without you in it.

You are the absolute formula, the hero protected by plot, my one source of happiness.

Long live, little princess! In days you can’t face, may my words bring you solace.

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Our first of many

When you’re standing by my side, I want to make the whole world wish that they are you. In there, you’re the princess like no other, standing tall in an endless summer, with no regards of seconds, minutes or hour, you are the sole ruler in our sea of flower.

The world will envy you. They will wish that they can replace you. But they can’t. Because the throne I built only for you, the summer I made endless in your name, time stopped only in your presence, and each flower grows with the sound of your voice.

And so the world will be disappointed. For some had the chance to be you, but didn’t take it. Yet in that dismay, you will be immortalized. I will take you as high as I could, I will mend your wings if I should. For if you stay like you promised you would. I will be here, for as long as you hope me to be.

If only you could see yourself through my eyes. You will understand. You will see why the world should be jealous of you. And you will see how much you’d mean to me just by simply staying.

Happy 4th, my little light!

Prayer for the light

He was sitting alone, in a solemn look and two legs folded, he stared at the low ceiling.

Despite the small room he’s in. He could clearly see how he is now in a boundless realm; One belongs to the owner of the whole world.

He opened the carpet, trying to remember all the things happened to him after the last time he spread the same carpet in a different room. Remembering Him can be done anywhere.

Despite what most people think of the silly soldier, he is not without faith. He simply got too much concern, and he cannot justified truth for the world. So he chose not of a single truth. He believes that anyone can have their own version, and that is good. He believes kindness can overcome any evil, any misjudgement, any aberration.

So in his reflection, he showed gratitude for today’s blessing. He refrained any hope. He is too happy; hoping for anything more would be greedy. This joyous dazzle is so unfamiliar to him. Happiness, he thought, is such a strange state where nothing can be done. All he could do was to accept, smile, and for his case, jumped around in ecstatic mirth.

I guess that’s what you do when you’re in love. You stop hoping for yourself, for being in love itself is enough of blessing for you. He was clueless for some times, knowing not of what he needs to do with all the overwhelming joy. But then he found the one thing he can do.

He prayed. He expressed the fireworks inside his head, the blazing garden inside his heart. He prayed not for himself, for what she gave him is much more than enough. He prayed for her; for her well-being and her happiness. He prayed nothing but the best for her.


For He, who govern our world, weaves the thread of fate, bring about grief, happiness and hate. Here I beg Your forgiveness, as you have given me too much. Know no matter how much I try to give back, they are incomparable to Your abundant blessing. And yet You give me more. You showed me her eyes, her smile, her laughter and her words. You told me that loving can be easy, and as I listen Your signs, I was overwhelmed by Your endless grace.

But it is our nature to ask more; I am built to bow to the humanity inside me. And so hear me, my world. Hear yet another wish I hope you grant me.

If I am to bring her happiness too, in the future where we are one, not two, let her stay with me, in all summers and rainy days. But if I am to bring her misery, and if there is a version of your future that I hurt her deeply. Take her away from me. For my happiness is not worthy of her grief. And if I cannot be the best for her, I would rather leave

He recited the words over and over. He must do so otherwise he cannot find content. After he finished, he closed his eyes. For some moments, he gathered all possibilities in his mind, things that could bring her closer or farther. And he accepted all of them.
For life takes and life gives. The silly soldier only gets to sit back, and enjoy the ride.