That few minutes after the show

That few minutes after the show, are the weirdest minutes of my life.

It was the moment where I sit still, sometimes looking for friends and acquaintances, as I watch all my characters that I made turned back into humans.

Pada momen itu, banyak hal yang meluncur tidak karuan dalam diri saya. The first thing is of course “Fuck Critics”, those things are made to be read and listened someday, but not today. But there are also softer things, perihal-perihal sepi yang membuat saya diam lalu bingung, menghadapi kesenangan tapi juga perpisahan dengan sebuah periode, titik ketika saya benar-benar merasakan kesementaraan waktu.

You guys were strangers to me, and now you’re back as one. Saya rasa Sunset benar. Bukan berarti kalian semua berhenti menjadi teman saya, tapi memang panggung benar-benar menjanjikan dunia. Sudah cukup banyak pementasan yang saya lalui, untuk saya sadar bahwa memang pertemuan-pertemuan dalam sebuah pementasan akan berakhir ketika tirai tertutup untuk kali terakhir. Dan mungkin itu tidak apa-apa. Hanya saja itu membuat saya sebagai pembuat ini semua, harus meminta maaf pada mereka yang terlibat karena memang ini semua harus berakhir. Waktu kita ada batasnya, dan itulah yang membuat setiap bagian yang kita alami dalam pementasan memiliki nilai yang tak terbatas.

Di momen-momen ini, saya merasa Sun mengikuti saya. Ia terus-terusan bercerita tentang dunia yang bisa jadi ada di luar sana, dan berhenti memikirkan apa yang baru saja usai. Sometimes she also whisper; Why are you being so melancholic? How I hate her every time she said that. Then she disappeared, along with the Glimmering Lady, the Sleepless kid and the Nameless boy. The Snatchers took them from me, and the moon rises, and she sings so gallantly, and I smiled to her. For it was not the first time she took things from me, it was just another day, another play, another price I have to pay.

Untuk membuat dunia, mempunyai konsekuensi yang nyata bagi saya. Saya bertanya kepada satu-satunya sosok yang mungkin mengerti. Isn’t it unfair? That I don’t feel belong inside that bunch? Though I was with them for few months? She said that maybe it’s because you’re the creator of this universe. You have the power to make things, to change things, to give each of those things chances to feel, but you can never be one of your own things. Mungkin di satu sisi itu benar, tapi di sisi lain, mungkin saya hanya merasa takut kehilangan. Maybe I do belong to that bunch, it’s just I cannot let myself in there for that last few moments. I don’t want to watch them turn back into humans.

But then I let the night begin. And all the silence crept in. Again I found the stage to be empty; all the red seats are no longer waiting to be filled. All that’s left is countless thank, to all the humans behind such great moments. I thank the great Snatchers, which dance and rip the boy’s childhood in such glee. You are one of the most awesome dance team I have ever found, really. I thank the moon for her dusk-bringing voice, and her pale expression as she dance dissonantly with the boy. I thank the ever curious kid, for keep asking so I can see the world that I’m making. I thank the mother, for only in the absence of her story, a Stranger might come. I thank the dark voice in the night, moving graciously when she introduced herself as the Crystal Lady. Only because of her relentless bed time melody, I learn that things I’ve forgotten might worth more than things I thought I knew. I thank the radiant yellow-girl. Though she only came as voices that keep me from being lonely, I knew she loved me in her own way. I knew that she was as sad as I was when she said her last goodbye, but she chose to smile. Because she wants my last sight of her is about happiness, not mourn. And I thank the Nameless Boy. For in one way or another, he was me. His foolishness that grew into curiosity, his proud days that crushed by darkest of light, and his acceptance of this world that let him nothing but to laugh at the very idea of it. Saya rasa saya berhutang pada tiap dari mereka. Karena tiap dari kalian membuat dunia saya lebih besar dari dunia yang saya tahu.

Dibalik segala terimakasih pada karakter, tentunya banyak juga terimakasih pada tim yang bekerja di balik layar. Saya menemukan seorang desainer pencahayaan kali ini. Saya juga melihat produser/stage manager kita begitu percaya pada tim nya, dan sangat senang melihat kepercayaan itu dijawab sepenuhnya. Saya berterimakasih pada tim artistik, marketing, komunikasi visual, serta banyak lainnya yang mungkin tak tersebut.

Namun untuk Board Merchant of Emotion yang masih harus menghadapi badai kritik esok atau lusa, I think it is too early for a thank you.

I guess I’ll thank you all when we’re greater than Disney.

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