The day i met a Lizard and he happens to be the progenitor of all reptiles from Maorian Myth; Tū-te-wehiwehi

Hello there dear fellow, what have got you here?

The last thing I remember was getting lost during a merry holiday, and indeed was I lost. But never I know I was this lost to have find a huge yet old being, bent shoulder and tapering face, it is indeed a big animal that talks.

You’re a lizard

And you are not fleeing. The first stayer since Alexander.

Oh yes, I have not mentioned that I was somewhere in Macedonia, trying to be an everyday tourist and enjoying a little time for myself.

And what I got was a lizard talking about how he is merely an anthropomorphic being, partially human and love wide hats as much as other people. Yet sombrero is not for me, its just too big for my narrow face

What about the pipe and tobacco? I asked

Oh these? These are no tobacco, it is Amazonian grasses, very rare! Nothing but the best for my lung.

He then goes on an on about his previous life in the ‘great’ in amazon, how he ate different kind of hippos and various tricks to catch them. His pompous stories then moving from absurdity to illogicality.

A retinue I was, to a very important man in your country! In fact, I thought he is, or at least was, a part of the monarch once.

Kings in my country don’t consult. They made decisions with no background nor reason, yet generate the best verdict.

Such a credulous demeanor of the people, don’t you think?

Not for me.

‘For you’? so this is not the first time anyone said so huh?

He chuckled as he breathe his pipe from his mouth, without ever releasing any.

Your king does not deliberated by human counsel. But by a reptile’s he is.

I certainly do not care about king or any political talk, so I decided to leave him be. Just after that, this long alley that we have been talking in seemingly decided to segregate itself, made me walk towards the old gecko instead of getting away. His flat and expressionless visage irritates me even more, that I am truly unable to find my way back and stuck.

Do you know where does nessie lives?

Its called nessie for god sake, where do you think?

By ‘it’, you mean ‘she’, correct?

Do I look like I give a damn?

You know, a concatenation of rhetorical question is not a very good definition of constructive conversation.

Where does a lizard like you learn to speak, anyway!? And that words, that mother of all vocabulary that is just… what are you!

Oh, look who’s speaking.

I punched him in the face. I punched him again and again until a certain fish lunged towards me, giving a tingling yet hurtful sensation to my stomach. The lizard then gets angry and ate me.

He ate me. This is no embellishment, that stray lizard literally ate me. And out of all action that he might do, he chose to eat me alive.

This sucks.

This is definitely the worst holiday ever.




God damn cannibal…


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